You May Kiss the Bride


I remember the letters, the chocolates, the phone calls,
The first time he told me that I was the best…
I remember his lips on my lips for the first time
With the softness it requires to get me obsessed!
I miss his arms protecting me all the time
(One around my neck, one around my thigh)
And the uncontainable passion at night

I miss his hands touching my hair
Touching my face, touching me there…
Oh! I miss his way of saying goodbye
And then cheering me up on the phone every night,
Specially when he had to go home with his wife…

Psychiatrist: “So… let me get this clear dear… the love of your life is married?”

He doesn’t really love her anymore and years ago he’s been sleeping on his own. The problem is the child in between. Their marriage is exclusively and specifically only apparent, you see? He doesn’t love his wife!”

P: “I see… so why are you separated right now?”

The thing is… we’re just waiting for things to calm down, ‘cause little Mikey is starting to suspect…

P: “Why doesn’t he tell him?”

“He’s immature!

P: “He has to grow!”

He wouldn’t understand that daddy doesn’t love his mom!

P: “Why don’t they just get divorced?”

No, no! That would only shock the boy! He would hate me forever…

P: “What do you feel at this point? I mean by being the lover?”

I just can’t take this anymore! I feel terrible! Everything’s horrible! That is precisely the point! This is the plan:

Stop being the lover and become the wife, I’ll kill the lady and become his wife. With no moral issues, I’m preparing to shoot: I will liberate him from his boring wife. And I will stop being the lover and become the wife; I’ll kill the lady and become his wife. They’ll need a caring mother, and we will love each other. Perfect! I will show him what a proper marriage is and I will stop being the lover and become the wife, I’ll kill the lady and become his wife! I’ll give my best to Mikey! At last we’ll all be happy!

P: “You want to have the family that you never had! What if he never wants to marry you?”

What? Of course he will, besides that is solved. You’ll see… this whole idea of Mikey and me and him is great! But I wanna have my own baby, if you know what I mean… I’m gonna stop taking the pill.

P: “Oh! So then you’re gonna get pregnant and ‘force him’ to marry you?”

Well it’s not that bad… Sometimes they only need a little motivation. Anyway, he´s gonna be thrilled with the idea! Picture this:

She: “I have to tell you something important!”

He: “Yes dear?”

She: “We’re gonna have a baby!”

He: “What? Are you sure?”

She: “Yes! Yes! Certainly.”

He: “That’s fantastic…”

(No but he’s going to smile)

He: “That’s fantastic!”

(Then I’m gonna say)

She: “So, what are we gonna do about it?”

(And he’s gonna say)

He: “Well… I guess it’s finally time to…”

(And he’s gonna get down on his knees and he will say)

He: “Would you marry me?”

(And I’ll be like)

She: “Oh! Are you sure? I mean your wife’s death is so very recent! Don’t you think we should wait?”

He: “No! No! No! I really need you right now! This is like… what I’ve always dreamed of! You are the ‘real’ love of my life!”

(And I’m gonna say)

She: “Well…in that case…YES! I do! I do want to be your wife!”

With a finger wave hairdo and a flapper dress, I want a classy wedding and many guests! With a great, great jazz band and they will play our song, and he will hold my hand, and we will tap dance! Shoot!

Psychiatrist: “Your obsession has dragged you to this! Why should your issues affect that poor kid?! How can you imagine that love works like this?! What if he never wants to marry you?”

Stop being the lover and become the wife, I’ll kill the lady and become his wife. I miss him so, so badly. He needs me to be happy. Mamma always told me: “Be the first no matter how”.

And that’s why I’ll stop being the lover and become the wife; I’ll kill the lady and become his wife. I want my perfect family, my kids, my van, my darling. Without that stupid bitch we’ll have our dream life. And I will stop being the lover and become the wife; I’ll kill the lady and I´ll become his wife! My darling, my kids, what a perfect life! Without that frigid witch, I´ll always be with him. I’ll kill that stupid bitch and I will be his wife!

Psychiatrist: “Your time is over.”